I’ve not been present of late, and for that I’m sorry. Sorry to what few readers I have, and sorry to myself as well. This post really is just an explanation of what’s been going on, a vent about frustrations with what I’m trying to do with this blog, and a framework for going forward.
This post is for me.
Let’s get started.
Where I’ve Been
I’ve been MIA since a little before October and saying that aloud, and typing it out, sucks. I can’t believe I’ve let so much time pass by between posts. I can’t believe how absent I’ve been from my blog. I’m sorry. You have no idea how sorry I am to you all, and myself.
The desire to be consistent and put out content on the regular was there. But I have let Life, with a capital L, get in my way. And there’s no reason for it. Life has been a bully, and instead of standing up for myself, I’ve rolled over and let it direct the show for the last couple of months.
October was full of events. Birthdays, anniversaries, and more. I kept putting off writing, reading, and doing things I loved because I did not think I had the time. And true, I did not have as much time, but I cannot honestly say I had no time. Of course I did. But I spent that time watching shows, playing games (which I love), and just piddling around it seems.
I’d go to the movies and fully intend to write a review about it afterwards. But I’d get home and I wouldn’t sit down and write, and the next day I would allow Life to get in the way again, and before I knew it days had passed and I made the excuse to myself that it was no longer relevant and I shouldn’t bother. It was old news. Who cared. But that was just an excuse. Me getting in my own way.
Then we get into November, and in the US that means for many that the “holidays” have officially begun. We start looking for Christmas presents if you practice it, we start planning for our big Thanksgiving meals and which family gets what day and what’s being made and by whom. Days start blurring into weeks and then boom, December is next week.
I’m really disappointed in myself for allowing Myself/Life to get in the way of my goals. I try not to say “hate” because it’s so strong, and so negative, but yeah, there were times that I hated myself, for not sticking with my initial plan. For allowing myself to make reasons/excuses for not working on the blog that I wanted so much.
To Relyks & Wolfcraft, the blog I wanted to try and make into a career, and I proceeded to treat like a hobby and pastime, I am so sorry.
You deserve better.
The Vent
The vent? You mean that first part wasn’t a Vent?? Well yes, but also no.
Technical Vent
You see my vent starts with the death of my laptop. My, just barely over two year old $1k laptop that simply died. Fully charged, working on an update for Steam, and it just goes black. No signs of life. I unplug it and let it sit. Wondering what the heck has happened. I start googling on my phone possible trouble-shoots. I try several to no avail. It’s possibly the adapter some say, but for many, they took this particular model to their local Geek Squad only to pay a fee to be told their laptop has breathed its last. They are up a creek, and so was I.
But, I had an iPad still. Not a new one, but it worked and ran WordPress well enough. So at first I typed out on the touch-pad. It proved hazardous not knowing where my home keys were and I found I made several errors writing with the little keyboard on my screen. So my Love bought me a keyboard to go with my iPad. Huzzah!
Two weeks after it’s arrival the number “9” key somehow has glitched or something, so that even when I’m typing no where near said key, a random 9 would appear in my words and even when backspacing/deleting a 9 would try and reappear with nearly ever key-stroke… It was maddening. And so another “excuse” was born, and I did not write.
I write this post on my Love’s old laptop, one that is old even for him as it was a friend’s before his. And from the sounds the fan makes at times, I’ll admit to clenching my gut and other things when I’m working on it and it takes minutes to get to a new page on a browser. So far though, it’s been good, and I’ve very thankful that we were fortunate enough to have a spare laptop laying around.
Life Vent
Life, yes it’s back in this section. Life also equates to Work. The domestic jobs that most of us have to pay the bills.
Let me start off this segment, by stating that I am grateful to have a job. I know many are not as fortunate. But one can be grateful, and also resentful.
And I am resentful, I will admit to that.
I truly love to create.
So to go to a job, where my primary function is to code bills all day long, is soul-sucking. I know I’m not the only one.
There are few who actually love and are passionate about their jobs, especially when working for others or corporations. To those who do love their jobs, and find happiness in them, I’m envious of you. Good for you, truly. You are extremely fortunate and so many of us wish to find that as well.
When I spend the majority of my waking time being mentally and what feels like emotionally drained, strapped to a desk, in a row of cubicles devoid of all color, I find it near impossible to be motivated to do anything creative when I finally do get home.
Once I’m home it’s time to make dinner, clean up the house, and then it’s time for showers and bed, only to repeat the process the next day.
I find it is very depressing. And maybe I am depressed. Maybe I’m allowing myself to be depressed? Is that a thing? I’m no psychiatrist. I should probably be seeing a therapist though if I’m totally honest.
How’s that for transparency.
Where I’m Going
I’m tired of Life being a bully.
Actually, let’s take it another step back.
I’m tired of being my own bully, and I’m tired of treating this blog like a pastime.
When I first created this blog over two years ago, I had a dream in mind, I had a goal. I wanted to attempt to become a full-time blogger. I wanted to be my own boss. I wanted to create. Create reviews, artwork, and creative content, for friends and really anyone who could or wanted to relate.
I dreamt of being able to quit my 9-5. Of being financially independent. Of being able to work from anywhere I could get an internet connection. I dreamt of writing and designing graphics and content for the stories I wanted to share. I wanted to share stories with you all. Books, movies, video games, artwork, food… there are so many way to tell a story, and I couldn’t wait to share them with you.
And then I became a doubter, and a bully to myself. And I didn’t deliver.
That’s going to stop now.
I’m going to stop treating this blog like barely a hobby. I’m not saying it’s going to become a career right away, probably not for a while let’s be honest, but that’s still the goal, and it’s not going to become a career until I start treating it like one.
It started as a Lifestyle Blog, that’s still what my banner indicates, and I still think that’s the best option for me. I know a lot of blogs really niche down into almost a singular topic if they don’t do “lifestyle” and for them it works. But not for me.
I tried to niche down to just book reviews, and I liked the feel of it, but at the same time, I love ALL stories, not just ones in books. And in between reading I love shows, movies, and games as I’ve stated now a few times. So when I don’t push out a book review, it’s because I’m enjoying another story format.
Limiting myself to one singular topic just won’t do.
So we’re going back to our roots, but with a little more wisdom and direction.
This is going to be a blog about Stories. And that includes my story, my life. After all, is this blog not part of me?
From Now On…
Starting this week, you will be getting weekly blog posts every Thursday. This I promise you.
If you follow me on social media, I will be posting 3-4 times a week. I’m on Instagram, Pinterest, Facebook, and Twitter (however long that continues to last).
I will be working on figuring out a mailing list & Newsletter to send to those who want it, and will update you all when I have it all setup. This may be slower going but I hope to have it figured out by the end of January 2023.
In Conclusion
Thank you. For those who have been with me from the start, know that I am so grateful for you. I understand how I have let you and myself down of late, and things are going to change. Relyks & Wolfcraft will be born again, and be full of life and purpose going forward.
Also, thank you if you’re still reading this. I know this was long, and definitely not a review of any sort. But it was a little glimpse, a little story, into my life.
To reward you for your steadfast reading and seeing this post through until the end, I present you with a picture of a cat. Because the internet loves cats 🐈
Until Next Time,
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I think most people will understand, and just know that when you need support, you know several who have your back. I think giving yourself until January is a good idea and I cant wait to hear more from you. Also, thank you for the sleepy Solaire picture 😻
Thank you so much 🖤 it fills me with such joy and warmth to hear you say this! It really does mean the world!